Men aren’t committing to relationships these days and I will tell you top five reasons why they are not committing.
1. Too many women accepting casual relationships: Nowadays having casual sex is easier than getting a taxi cab to stop for you in New York City. It seems like everyone doing it. More women are signing up for one-night stand than they are signing up for marriage. The crazy part is they want marriage after giving up the booty on first night or after accepting the causal relationship for years. Ladies don’t ask for a ring if you already gave up the milk & cookies for free. Stand firm in your morals & values and make him work for it. It may be tough, but it will be worth it in the end, if he doesn’t respect your standards the next man will.
2. Financial unstable: most men will tell you upfront that they are not ready for relationship or long term commitment because they aren’t financially stable or because they haven’t started their career yet. Ladies no woman wants a broke man so you have to respect his honesty. Give him time to get his shhhh(shut your mouth lol) together. Now if he is one of those guys that are full of dreams and no action to back up his dreams then drop him because he is going nowhere fast. A lot of men talk about having money or wanting more money, but very few of them actually will go extra mile and do whatever it takes to get a job. Some let their pride get in the way. They will not accept a job that they feel are beneath them, however they remain jobless and broke. If you anything like me, I respect a working man. I could care less where he works as long as he has legitimate employment. A working man is sexy, women value a provider and every man should want to provide.
3. Fear & Lack of FAITH: usually where there is fear there is a lack of faith. Men, who lack faith, typically have million excuses why marriage and commitment is not for them. They will tell you they know men who are married and cheat on their wife. They will tell you that they don’t want a woman to get half their money or alimony if it ends in divorce. They will say they think marriage is overrated and don’t want to be lock down. Trust me, I’ve heard it all!!! The reality is they lack FAITH...their morals are questionable and most don’t go church, read bible or believe in GOD. The bible says “a man that finds a wife, finds a good thing." it doesn’t say don’t do it because bad things are going to happen. We can project all day and say what might happen, but truth is FAITH & LOVE conquers all...step your faith up and stop fearing things...
4. Level of Maturity: maturity does not have anything to do with age, usually has more to do with experience. I know a few young brothers who have experienced healthy relationships directly or indirectly and values commitment because of those experiences. I also know some brothers who are afraid to grow up because of the responsibility that comes along with growing up. They want the woman but don’t want the responsibilities of commitment. It’s too challenging for them, they are used to taking easy way out (casual relationship). When a man reaches a certain level of maturity nothing in the world will stop him from committing to one woman.
5. Have not found the one: Truth be told, most men aren’t committing because they just haven’t found the right one. Yes they may like a lot of girls, but the one that make them want to settle down haven’t crossed their path yet. Sometimes they don’t even know what type of woman they want so in meantime they mingle with all type of women. Some men are in discovery stage still trying to figure out what they want out life. Ladies, respect it, but don’t settle with an indecisive man. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
This is my personal opinion and top 5 reasons why men don’t commit? What are your top five? Do you agree or disagree with this blog?
God Bless, Keep the FAITH love Ms. Kinsey
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Saturday, November 5, 2011
How do you regain TRUST back after painful BREAKUP?
So you just broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend… what was the reason for the breakup? You lied, cheated, loss interest, the sex was bad or you just couldn’t stand being with the person anymore. May be the breakup did not end on bad terms, perhaps both of you agreed to be friends and date other people. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure the breakup wasn’t easy for either of you. So where do you go from here….
If your plan is to get the person back because after few months of being a part you realized you messed up, you have a lot of work to do. If your plan is to move on to something better because going back would be a nightmare, you still have a lot of work to do.
Let’s explore the first plan of getting the person back. The number one thing that is on that person’s mind and your mind is TRUST? Will he/she be able to trust me again or what will it take to regain the trust back? Trust is definitely a necessity in a relationship. Trust can be defined as “confidence or faith in a person or thing to carry out their commitment.” Trust is often earned and not given. Trust is a verb, not a noun; therefore it is shown through action. If you are to regain a person’s trust back, the one obvious thing you can do is keep your commitment and follow through with your word. If you say you are going to do something, make sure you do it. Being honest and open about your feelings is another way to make sure your needs is getting met and also helps foster a trusting relationship.
If you have violated the person’s trust, you cannot expect the person to trust you right away. It takes time to build trust and sometimes you never fully gain trust back. People often will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Depending on the type of person you are dealing with, once trust is broken that person will become guarded and detached emotionally. You have to understand the person you are dealing with, then ask yourself, is he or she worth fighting for? And if this person never trusts me again will I be able to have a healthy relationship with them?
Patience, prayer, persistence can take you a long way in a relationship. It also important to keep in mind that going back isn’t always the answer, just like finding something new does not always mean it’s going to be better. It’s more important for you to evaluate yourself and identify the things that you need to work on so that you can be a better man/woman and attract a better mate in the future. If you do not have a healthy mind set you will find yourself in unhealthy relationships over and over again. Before you jump into your next relationship or go back to a previous relationship take time to be alone and discover who you are.
God Bless, Keep the FAITH, luv Ms.Kinsey
If your plan is to get the person back because after few months of being a part you realized you messed up, you have a lot of work to do. If your plan is to move on to something better because going back would be a nightmare, you still have a lot of work to do.
Let’s explore the first plan of getting the person back. The number one thing that is on that person’s mind and your mind is TRUST? Will he/she be able to trust me again or what will it take to regain the trust back? Trust is definitely a necessity in a relationship. Trust can be defined as “confidence or faith in a person or thing to carry out their commitment.” Trust is often earned and not given. Trust is a verb, not a noun; therefore it is shown through action. If you are to regain a person’s trust back, the one obvious thing you can do is keep your commitment and follow through with your word. If you say you are going to do something, make sure you do it. Being honest and open about your feelings is another way to make sure your needs is getting met and also helps foster a trusting relationship.
If you have violated the person’s trust, you cannot expect the person to trust you right away. It takes time to build trust and sometimes you never fully gain trust back. People often will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Depending on the type of person you are dealing with, once trust is broken that person will become guarded and detached emotionally. You have to understand the person you are dealing with, then ask yourself, is he or she worth fighting for? And if this person never trusts me again will I be able to have a healthy relationship with them?
Patience, prayer, persistence can take you a long way in a relationship. It also important to keep in mind that going back isn’t always the answer, just like finding something new does not always mean it’s going to be better. It’s more important for you to evaluate yourself and identify the things that you need to work on so that you can be a better man/woman and attract a better mate in the future. If you do not have a healthy mind set you will find yourself in unhealthy relationships over and over again. Before you jump into your next relationship or go back to a previous relationship take time to be alone and discover who you are.
God Bless, Keep the FAITH, luv Ms.Kinsey
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tips on Controlling your EMOTIONS…while Dating or in a Relationship
Hello people, thanks for reading this blog. I hope it help someone. I am going to be quick and straight to the point with this one. I often hear people say, “ Women are too emotional “ and I believe that is a true statement, however, I also believe that men are just as emotional as women they just do good job at controlling it. Women we show our EMOTIONS way too much. When we are upset we have to talk about it, when we are happy we have to talk about it, when we are sad we have to cry and talk about it, when we are lonely WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT! You get the point, we talk too much about how we feel and that is sometimes annoying and uncomfortable for men to deal with. Ever notice that a man rarely talks about what he is going through, that’s because he understands that it’s not necessary to talk about everything. Sometimes it’s good to just SHUT UP and keep your thoughts to yourself. I am not saying that it is always good to remain silent, but just know WOMEN…YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT… anything you say can and will be USED against you!!! Trust me ladies, men are listening to you when you are talking and they are storing all that FREE information into their brain to determine what type of woman you are and thinking about whether or not they should be with you for the long-term or short-term. If you appear to be emotionally unstable you can forget about any good man wanting to be with you long-term, unless he is just as crazy as you are ( LOL). I am not perfect at controlling my emotions either, but my experiences has taught me that when I’m in control over my emotions I feel empowered and I get better results. Below are Tips on controlling your emotions. Before you read the tips remember “if you want to control your emotions, you first have to control your thoughts” -
Tip 1 : Say less, DO MORE… in other words instead of verbalizing your problems to everyone who is willing to listen, process your thoughts with yourself by praying or journaling. Think of your own solutions then TAKE ACTION…. Let your actions do the talking.
Tip 2: Never tell someone how you feel about them until you are sure of how they feel about you….if they don’t tell you, you don’t tell them, save yourself from being disappointed if they don’t feel the same way.
Tip 3: Don’t appear needy: nobody likes the clingy needy girl or guys…give people their space point blank period! Get hobby, find something to do and that does not mean go on facebook and post how much you miss the person…GEEZ REALLY? Too emotionally attached! Lmbo
Tip 4: Be a good LISTNER , WATCH AND LEARN- good listening skills pays off when it comes to controlling your emotions…I once heard, the person who listens the most has the most control over the conversation because they are able to process more than the person who is talking. My grandma used to say “baby the bible says pray and watch.” I will never forget that, I will always pray and watch because you can learn a lot by observing people.
Tip 5: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER become obsessed over anyone, BE OPEN TO EVERYTHING, ATTACHED TO NOTHING! God did not put us on this earth to idolize and worship people…stop saying, “ I don’t know what I will do without him” uumm yes you do, what did you do before you had him??
Those are my TOP 5 tips!! I hope this blog help someone become better at controlling their emotions.
God bless, Keep the FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey
Tip 1 : Say less, DO MORE… in other words instead of verbalizing your problems to everyone who is willing to listen, process your thoughts with yourself by praying or journaling. Think of your own solutions then TAKE ACTION…. Let your actions do the talking.
Tip 2: Never tell someone how you feel about them until you are sure of how they feel about you….if they don’t tell you, you don’t tell them, save yourself from being disappointed if they don’t feel the same way.
Tip 3: Don’t appear needy: nobody likes the clingy needy girl or guys…give people their space point blank period! Get hobby, find something to do and that does not mean go on facebook and post how much you miss the person…GEEZ REALLY? Too emotionally attached! Lmbo
Tip 4: Be a good LISTNER , WATCH AND LEARN- good listening skills pays off when it comes to controlling your emotions…I once heard, the person who listens the most has the most control over the conversation because they are able to process more than the person who is talking. My grandma used to say “baby the bible says pray and watch.” I will never forget that, I will always pray and watch because you can learn a lot by observing people.
Tip 5: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER become obsessed over anyone, BE OPEN TO EVERYTHING, ATTACHED TO NOTHING! God did not put us on this earth to idolize and worship people…stop saying, “ I don’t know what I will do without him” uumm yes you do, what did you do before you had him??
Those are my TOP 5 tips!! I hope this blog help someone become better at controlling their emotions.
God bless, Keep the FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Letter to young women
This letter is dedicated to young women between the ages of 12-21, although some women over the age of 21 can benefit from reading this as well. Ladies, I’m writing this because I am concerned about some of you who are making bad decisions without realizing that, “the decisions you make today determine how you live tomorrow.” There are way too many “teen moms”, too many young women dropping out high school and settling for GED, too many young girls who are promiscuous, too many young women trying to “keep up with the Joneses” and live the fast life. Every time I read an article in newspaper about the alarming rates of teen pregnancy or watch the saga on M.T.V (Teen Mom or 16 and pregnant) I can’t help, but to think what is happening to our youth? When did it become cool to have a baby? Who told these young girls its okay to have a baby that they cannot afford to take care of? Why are so many young women settling for casual sex? What ever happen to waiting for marriage? Why are so many young black women dying of HIV/AIDS or living with herpes and other STD’s? I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that change is necessary and anything I can do to elicit change or to help someone make better decisions, I am willing to do it. It's only right that I speak up because it is my purpose to serve as an inspiration to others.
I’m 27 years young and I’m not perfect by a long shot. I made few mistakes along the way and learned from them, but I‘m grateful to say that the mistakes I made did not alter my life in a major way. I’m grateful to say that I was able to profit off of other peoples experiences….meaning that I witness my close friends and family members go through good and bad situations and I learned quickly what to do and what not to do. I know you can’t always base your life on what other people experience, but TRUST me you can learn a lot by watching and listening to people.
Life Lesson # 1 BE LOYAL 2 YOURSELF – so many of us young women put so much emphasis on being loyal to guys that we date that we forget to be loyal to ourselves. I’ve heard a lot women say “I’m so loyal to my man, I tell him everything… blah blah blah…etc” okay that’s all good, but are you loyal to yourself? And does your man tell you everything? If the answer is no to either question than may be you need to reevaluate what loyalty means in your relationship. Now I’m not saying that a man has to tell you everything in order to show you that he is loyal nor am I telling you not to be loyal to your partner. All I am saying is BE LOYAL TO YOURSELF FIRST! The same energy you spend investing in your man you should spend 3 times as much energy investing in yourself. The reality is “LIFE HAS NO GUARANTEES” even though you want that relationship to last forever, it does not always turn out that way so make sure you come out on top.
Life Lesson #2 DO YOU – when I say “DO YOU” I don’t mean go out and be promiscuous like many of you are already doing. I mean take care of your business. Go to school; get your degree, become an entrepreneur or career woman; don’t let no man, no woman, no human being stop you from achieving your goals. I don’t care how good he looks, how bad you want to have cute little babies with him….STOP and think about long-term consequences. Ask yourself: How will this decision affect me 10 years from now? Be smart and think things through, five minutes of instant gratification can cost you a lifetime of happiness so don’t make impulsive decisions. Don’t worry about whether he will stick around or not if you chose to focus on you, TRUST me if you are a decent respectable woman he will stay or he will come back. No real man is going pass up a good woman that has something going for herself, if he does he is stupid and not the one for you.
Life Lesson # 3 Protect yourself at all times (LOL this reminds me of the Mayweather verses Ortiz fight, LOL if you have no clue what I am talking about Youtube it LOL) –on serious note, I’m talking about protecting yourself when it comes to sex. The reality is times are changing; parents you cannot prevent your teenagers from having sex, the only thing you can do is educate them about it. I don’t know about everyone else, but my mom never had the birds and bees talk with me, I learned about sex in my sex education class in high school. After watching so many disgusting STD’s videos in class the message was clear to me. I knew all the risk associated with having unprotected sex and I was not willing to take that risk. It’s tempting to want to do it, but when I think about long term consequences it’s not worth it. Ladies before you say “he can get it” make sure you know what he has before you get it.
I hope this letter helped a least one young lady think differently about her life. You are special, you deserve the best, you should never settle for less. Know your worth; value your life and THINK, THINK, THINK before you react.
God Bless, KEEP THE FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey
I’m 27 years young and I’m not perfect by a long shot. I made few mistakes along the way and learned from them, but I‘m grateful to say that the mistakes I made did not alter my life in a major way. I’m grateful to say that I was able to profit off of other peoples experiences….meaning that I witness my close friends and family members go through good and bad situations and I learned quickly what to do and what not to do. I know you can’t always base your life on what other people experience, but TRUST me you can learn a lot by watching and listening to people.
Life Lesson # 1 BE LOYAL 2 YOURSELF – so many of us young women put so much emphasis on being loyal to guys that we date that we forget to be loyal to ourselves. I’ve heard a lot women say “I’m so loyal to my man, I tell him everything… blah blah blah…etc” okay that’s all good, but are you loyal to yourself? And does your man tell you everything? If the answer is no to either question than may be you need to reevaluate what loyalty means in your relationship. Now I’m not saying that a man has to tell you everything in order to show you that he is loyal nor am I telling you not to be loyal to your partner. All I am saying is BE LOYAL TO YOURSELF FIRST! The same energy you spend investing in your man you should spend 3 times as much energy investing in yourself. The reality is “LIFE HAS NO GUARANTEES” even though you want that relationship to last forever, it does not always turn out that way so make sure you come out on top.
Life Lesson #2 DO YOU – when I say “DO YOU” I don’t mean go out and be promiscuous like many of you are already doing. I mean take care of your business. Go to school; get your degree, become an entrepreneur or career woman; don’t let no man, no woman, no human being stop you from achieving your goals. I don’t care how good he looks, how bad you want to have cute little babies with him….STOP and think about long-term consequences. Ask yourself: How will this decision affect me 10 years from now? Be smart and think things through, five minutes of instant gratification can cost you a lifetime of happiness so don’t make impulsive decisions. Don’t worry about whether he will stick around or not if you chose to focus on you, TRUST me if you are a decent respectable woman he will stay or he will come back. No real man is going pass up a good woman that has something going for herself, if he does he is stupid and not the one for you.
Life Lesson # 3 Protect yourself at all times (LOL this reminds me of the Mayweather verses Ortiz fight, LOL if you have no clue what I am talking about Youtube it LOL) –on serious note, I’m talking about protecting yourself when it comes to sex. The reality is times are changing; parents you cannot prevent your teenagers from having sex, the only thing you can do is educate them about it. I don’t know about everyone else, but my mom never had the birds and bees talk with me, I learned about sex in my sex education class in high school. After watching so many disgusting STD’s videos in class the message was clear to me. I knew all the risk associated with having unprotected sex and I was not willing to take that risk. It’s tempting to want to do it, but when I think about long term consequences it’s not worth it. Ladies before you say “he can get it” make sure you know what he has before you get it.
I hope this letter helped a least one young lady think differently about her life. You are special, you deserve the best, you should never settle for less. Know your worth; value your life and THINK, THINK, THINK before you react.
God Bless, KEEP THE FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
LIFE
Life is what we make it. WORK HARD, STAY FOCUS and don't let anyone steal your dream or your joy. Life is too short to live with regrets so make smart decision. Everything and Everyone who is in your life is there for a reason. Some will be there temporary and some will be there until the end with you, appreciate all of it. Always remember that things is not always what they appear to be...the grass is not always greener on the other side, so stay in your lane and focus on you!
~God Bless, Keep the FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey~
~God Bless, Keep the FAITH, love Ms. Kinsey~
Saturday, May 14, 2011
What's The Diffference Between LOVE and IN LOVE?
Last night at my apartment, I had a discussion with 5 intelligent young ladies and I learned a lot about myself, relationships and love. One of the questions raised in our discussion was, “what’s the difference between "LOVE and IN LOVE?" I often hear people say, “I love him/her but I'm not in love. So I asked the ladies for their opinions. One young lady stated, “to be in love means to experience the pain of love." At first I was confused by her statement because to me love does not involve pain, if it’s painful how it can be love? Isn’t that abuse; is what I stated back to her. Another young lady further explained the concept of love and pain. She stated,” we are not talking about pain in physical sense, but to be able to experience the emotions that your partner is experiencing so for example, she said, “if your dude is hurting or having a bad day, you feel a sense of sadness and hurt because you don’t want to see him that way." The other young lady added, “to be in love you cannot be guarded you have to be able to be vulnerable, be willing to give your all even if it means risk getting hurt."
Wow! After listening to these ladies share their personal experience on love and relationships I began to reflect and think about love in a different way. In order to experience true love, you have to learn to love fearlessly, is what I repeated to myself after they left. Guarding our hearts blocks us from experiencing the true essence of love. Often as women we guard our hearts because of fear of getting hurt due to our past experiences or due to witnessing negative experiences of other people relationships. When our heart is guarded we find ourselves running from commitment, ruining good relationships and developing irrational beliefs about love itself. We say things like “love doesn’t exist, love is overrated, there are no good men or women...etc" these negative thoughts keep us from experiencing good relationships. The reason why many people who have these irrational beliefs cannot find a good man or woman is because they don’t believe that one exists.
So I challenge all of you who have given up on love, not to guard your heart, but to let your guard down and believe in love again. One or two bad experiences should not ruin your future experiences. You NEXT should not have to pay for what your EX did. (lol, sorry that’s kind of funny) But on a serious note, as my friend stated, “Love is LIVING, it gives us purpose." Everyone deserves to be loved and find true love. If you have not found love perhaps you need to reflect on your views about love...ask YOURSELF am I guarded. Have I healed from my last relationship? What are my beliefs about love and how have I come to believe that? so the difference between love and in love depends on how much you are willing to invest in a person, are you willing to give a 100% or just 50%....There is no half stepping when you are in love. THINK ABOUT IT!
~ God Bless, keep the FAITH, luv Ms. Kinsey~
Wow! After listening to these ladies share their personal experience on love and relationships I began to reflect and think about love in a different way. In order to experience true love, you have to learn to love fearlessly, is what I repeated to myself after they left. Guarding our hearts blocks us from experiencing the true essence of love. Often as women we guard our hearts because of fear of getting hurt due to our past experiences or due to witnessing negative experiences of other people relationships. When our heart is guarded we find ourselves running from commitment, ruining good relationships and developing irrational beliefs about love itself. We say things like “love doesn’t exist, love is overrated, there are no good men or women...etc" these negative thoughts keep us from experiencing good relationships. The reason why many people who have these irrational beliefs cannot find a good man or woman is because they don’t believe that one exists.
So I challenge all of you who have given up on love, not to guard your heart, but to let your guard down and believe in love again. One or two bad experiences should not ruin your future experiences. You NEXT should not have to pay for what your EX did. (lol, sorry that’s kind of funny) But on a serious note, as my friend stated, “Love is LIVING, it gives us purpose." Everyone deserves to be loved and find true love. If you have not found love perhaps you need to reflect on your views about love...ask YOURSELF am I guarded. Have I healed from my last relationship? What are my beliefs about love and how have I come to believe that? so the difference between love and in love depends on how much you are willing to invest in a person, are you willing to give a 100% or just 50%....There is no half stepping when you are in love. THINK ABOUT IT!
~ God Bless, keep the FAITH, luv Ms. Kinsey~
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My Struggles are my GREATEST Strengths
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth; I’ve learned how to embrace the struggle. My struggles are my greatest strength because they have made me who I am today. They are reminders that I can overcome anything. The best thing about not having everything handed to you is you learn the value of hard work. Most people do not appreciate what they have because they did not work hard to obtain it. There is nothing that I cannot do, I’m good at everything, now watch me transition from good to great…
To be Continued....
To be Continued....
Friday, April 22, 2011
LIFE
Life has its ups and downs, but through it all you must persevere. Keep pushing is what I keep telling myself. I am not where I want to be, but I am grateful that I am not where I used to be. God has placed me where I need to be for the moment. I know somewhere in my future I look a lot better than what I do now. Every day I am setting new goals, constantly working hard to reinvent myself. I work hard on becoming a better communicator, better friend, better sister, and better role model. I realized a long time ago that nothing will change unless I change. I will never allow myself to become a victim of my circumstance, but I will be victorious in every situation. It is wasted energy to think negative so I will remain optimistic about my future.
I'm looking forward to inspiring people around the world. I am looking forward to telling my story; I thank God for the obstacles because now I have a testimony. I am stronger because of what I've been through, grateful that I did not grow up easy with rich parents and everything given to me. Throughout my years I have learned to appreciate the little things in life and not take anything for granted. I often remind myself that life is a temporary assignment, nothing last forever; my job is to figure out what to do in the meantime.
I'm living in my meantime, taking every day one day at a time. Before I leave this earth if it is God's will, I will leave behind a legacy, the world will know my name and people will say I inspired them with my words and my smile brightened up their day. (LOL) I just want to be God's little helper while I'm here on earth. Every day I pray and ask God to use me to help others and every day he answers my prayers. I am truly grateful.
God bless, I AM Keeping the FAITH, Luv Miss Kinsey
I'm looking forward to inspiring people around the world. I am looking forward to telling my story; I thank God for the obstacles because now I have a testimony. I am stronger because of what I've been through, grateful that I did not grow up easy with rich parents and everything given to me. Throughout my years I have learned to appreciate the little things in life and not take anything for granted. I often remind myself that life is a temporary assignment, nothing last forever; my job is to figure out what to do in the meantime.
I'm living in my meantime, taking every day one day at a time. Before I leave this earth if it is God's will, I will leave behind a legacy, the world will know my name and people will say I inspired them with my words and my smile brightened up their day. (LOL) I just want to be God's little helper while I'm here on earth. Every day I pray and ask God to use me to help others and every day he answers my prayers. I am truly grateful.
God bless, I AM Keeping the FAITH, Luv Miss Kinsey
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